Lived At Last
by rezdiva
Summary: At long last Erik discovers that one single moment with his love is worth living for all he has suffered throughout his entire life.


_"Erik, I have made my decision."_

I stared at the woman I loved more than life itself, at the quiet drop of her shoulders and the slight lowering of her head as she stared at the ground, making her long blonde hair cover her beautiful blue eyes and at that moment she looked so fragile and small and I longed to hold her and protect her from this decision, which would surely change both our lives.

I had caused the woman I loved this pain and I could see her trying to remain strong and determined but the trembling of her body gave her away, she was so like a child, completely transparent in her emotions, she could not hide herself even if she wanted to for I could see right through her.

I thought for sure she would rather die than be with me for I was a hideous monster, a monster with hands that were covered in blood and death, I had killed for her but I had killed others to survive in a life that had hated me ever since my cursed birth. All my life, I was a monster, I should have died long ago but yet I wanted to live, to fight to have what others took for granted, to walk in the street in the sunlight and have the woman I loved by my side, loving me and simply being with me.

Now my love stood next to the table and I looked down at her trembling hand as she turned the scorpion which said that she had made her choice and her choice was to remind here with me in my kingdom of darkness and loneliness, to give up her life in the sunlight and sky and to remain with me forever.

I lowered my head, I had won but yet I did not feel victorious for she did not really want to stay with me it was only to save the people in the opera house from death, had she turned the grasshopper instead, it would have meant that she had chosen to die instead of being with me, thus making the gunpowder go off in the bowels of the opera house causing it to blow up and killing everyone that remained inside.

Ether way I would have won, I would have Christine or else I would make it so nobody would ever have her, not that damned fiancee of hers. Even now it angered me, thinking of seeing her so happy and carefree with him, while I stood in the shadows and watched them play their childish games of being engaged or watching her embrace him or kiss him.

She was mine! I had watched her cry over losing her father and I had sung to her as she slept hoping it would quiet her fears and nightmares. When I grew bold enough, I became her Angel of Music and had taught her how to sing again, to pull the dormant part of herself out and pour it into her voice, her beautiful soprano voice.

Then that damned boy had arrived with his pretty face and swaggering manner and had stolen her away from me! This arrogant, spoiled and shallow boy who did not see her as I saw her, who did not love her as I loved her, who had not seen her suffering and crying like I had, I had given her hope, given her voice back, brought her back from the brink of completely dying inside and he had taken her away from me, taken what should have been mine!

I wanted to kill that boy and see that handsome face of his twisted in fear and pain, I wanted him to suffer as I had suffered, to feel the pain of having her so close but never touching her, seeing her smile and see those crystal blue eyes light up with laughter, to see the sun shine upon her golden hair, to touch that soft pale skin or to feel the warmth of her body.

I turned away from her, lest I frightened her for I was angry, she had seen my rage before and I remembered how she shivered in fear and how angry I was with myself for scaring her. I did not want to frighten her or let my rage explode on her like it did before .I won, I had Christine but she did not love me, I had made myself even more of a monster to her by making her chose between her life and the life of others, she hated me, I disgusted her.

I walked away from her and sat down at the chair in front of the pipe organ but I could not play, I was too full of rage and disgust at myself for doing this to her, I did not deserve to play, did not deserve music for it was far too beautiful to be wasted on the likes of a monster like myself.

It was then that I felt a small caress on my shoulder and I stiffened in shock and surprise at the physical contact. I felt it stop, and then hesitantly move down my back and I shivered with pleasure. That one touch, so gentle and slow, dispelled my anger, made me aware of my body's response to that touch and how I savored it.

I arched my back wanting more of that caress and instantly I was rewarded with more touches, I closed my eyes savoring each little movement of those hands on my body, those small fingers moving in little circles on my spine, my shoulders. It was my love, she was touching me, her touch was so warm, so soothing, I wanted to hold her against me, hold her so tightly until she felt the beating of my heart against her own.

Instead I kept still and silent as she touched me, lest I frightened her, simply savoring her touch and then I felt her arms wrap around me as she pressed her body against me from behind and I stiffened even more as I fought to not lose control, to not turn around and kiss her madly or to pull her body against me and touch her everywhere as I longed to do.

I started to breath harder, the more she touched me until finally she leaned over and I felt her long golden hair brush against my cheek as she leaned over and pressed her soft lips against mine. I sighed in bliss and I felt her fingers caressing my face underneath the mask, caressing my skin and then her hand felt wet. I had not realized that I had been crying, all I had been aware of was that she was here, my beloved Christine was here and she was not frightened of me.

She took my hand and made me stand in front of her and still I did not touch her. She reached up and touched the mask I wore to hide my hideously deformed face from her, she looked into my eyes asking me a question but I stood silently like a statue. I was utterly and completely hers, I would do nothing unless she asked it of me, I would not force myself upon her no matter how much my body wanted to take her and make her mine, I would do nothing to harm her, she captivated me and I belonged to her.

I did not fight her as she took off the mask, I had no fear that she would find me disgusting or that she would run in fear of me, I was simply in her presence, she had touched me and kissed me, I never thought she would ever touch me in kindness but she had, it was like a dream, a dream I'd wanted for all of my life, to just be touched like a human being.

Then this beautiful creature smiled at me, those blue eyes sparkled in the candlelight as she wiped the tears from my eyes and then she embraced me, pressing her soft body against mine and I began to cry harder, I could feel her warmth against my body and then this angel took my trembling arms and wrapped them around herself as she pressed herself even tighter against me.

I let out a cry that was half whimper, half growl and my entire body began to tremble as I cried and cried against her, finally letting out things I'd held inside for so long and she held me, held me like she would never ever let me go and I pulled her tighter against me, wanting to absorb my beloved Christine into my body, into my heart and my soul for I loved her so much. She kissed me again and this time I kissed her back pouring every single emotion into that kiss, so she could feel how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, how much I had needed her and that she'd saved me.

For that single moment, I had Christine and she was mine, for that one moment all the suffering I had ever gone through in life was erased by this beautiful angel with the golden hair and blue eyes, this moment was mine, at long last mine, I had finally at long last...lived.


End file.
